If some people come to thee alone complaining against each other, don’t listen to them, don’t let them breathe the faults of others in thy presence. Tell them: “I have not come here to engage my time with these things. I am not a judge. I have come to summon the people to the Kingdom of Abha, to call you to unity and accord, to raise the dead, make mindful those who are unaware, awaken those who are asleep, breathe new life into the mouldering bones and sound the trumpet of resurrection! Friends! . . . You must not listen to anyone speaking about another; because no sooner do you listen to one than you must listen to someone else, and thus the circle will be enlarged endlessly. Therefore, say to them: “O friends! Let us come together, forget all our self-thoughts and be in one accord, and cry at the top of our voices, ‘Ya-Baha-El-Abha!’ (Abdu’l-Baha, “Star of the West,” Vol. V, No. 1, p. 6)
I often get drawn into other people’s gossip, no matter how much I try to stay clear of it. In fact, just yesterday, a neighbor was confiding in me some of her concerns about the neighbors in our building, whose actions are attracting the police several times a week. I too am seriously concerned about this. I knew she needed to vent, and I knew it was verging on backbiting. All I could do was pray silently in my head: “Ya Baha’u’l-Abha!”, over and over again. Once she’d said her piece, and I acknowledged her concern, without engaging myself, she went on her way, happy to have been heard. I went away feeling poisoned by the experience, but grateful I at least knew how to pray.
I was at fault for listening to her, knowing she was backbiting, knowing that she would repeat her sad tale to other tenants in the building and keep the story going. I did try to focus my comments on her and her concerns, rather than the problems of our neighbors. I did tell her I was systematically praying for the people in our building, which seemed to take her aback, and caused her to give me a big hug, which she has never done before. Please God, let it be enough!
Knowing there are steps I can take when listening to the faults of others, I am grateful!
What jumped out for you as you read through today’s meditation? I’d love it if you would share so we can all expand our knowledge of the Writings!
If you liked this meditation, you might also like my book Making Friends with Sin and Temptation
We have been talking about backbiting in our Ruhi Book 1. During my me ditation about backbiting I have concluded that one of the reasons people backbite is their feeling of being disconnected. “Sharing” information about others is a sure way to start a conversation – whereas, “I have had the most elevated thought about . . .” is sure to clear the room. This makes me cherish my relationships who are more inclined to the latter type of conversation as opposed to the former! With one, I feel I need to cope with it. With the other, I can just enjoy myself!
So interesting. Yesterday my morning verse was “Breathe not the sins of others so long as thou art thyself a sinner”… Pondering further on the nature of breathing, it has both the inhale and the exhale. So important not to speak it and neither to inhale it.
I recall a conversation that started to go toward judgement, and I used the “Until you walk a mile in another’s shoes” and that subdued the thought…
Other times I have said “Judge not lest ye be judged” and that redirected the conversation. Yesterday a friend was grousing about holiday visitors, not anything specifically. I showed empathy as it seemed she also just needed to be heard. I’m still pondering possible responses … this is a topic that I would like to know more about.
Those are really helpful phrases to use, Robin! Thank you for your contribution. I LOVE learning from others!
well said Susan! I feel the same way!
but when you are talking about safety and police, this is not a question only of gossiing, it is more about a need of real consultation and action to talke place, maybe decision making etc…. so the idea should be to go into “solution mode”.
Absolutely right, Josee! You might be interested in the full range of guidance on reporting abuse at this site: https://www.ninestarsolutions.com/reporting-abuse/
A pilgrim was complaining to ‘Abdu’l-Bahá about the shortcomings of some Baha’is. The Master responded:
« ‘Abdu’l-Bahá is so busy uprooting His own faults, He has no time thinking of the faults of others. »
Thanks so much for the pilgrim’s note, Leon! There are some more great stories of how ‘Abdu’l-Baha handled people criticizing others in His presence at https://www.bahaistories.com/subject/fault-finding