Regarding the matter of … and the inharmony that seems to exist among certain of the friends … when Bahá’ís permit the dark forces of the world to enter into their own relationships within the Faith they gravely jeopardize its progress;… All should be ready and willing to set aside every personal sense of grievance—justified or unjustified—for the good of the Cause, because the people will never embrace it until they see in its community life mirrored what is so conspicuously lacking in the world: love and unity. (From a letter dated 13 May 1945 written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi to the National Spiritual Assembly of Australia and New Zealand, in Living the Life, p. 27)
In helping to organize the Bicentennial event in our small cluster, a decision was made to not include a certain Bahá’í in the invitation. She’s 90 years old, has some dementia, is strongly opinionated and tends to dominate the conversations. People were worried about what the non-Bahá’í guests would think about the Faith if she went off on one of her rants. I understood people’s concerns and even shared them. I too have had my tests with this person. So I agreed.
I went away feeling very unsettled though. Is this a Faith of oneness, where everyone is welcomed, where diversity is celebrated? Or is it a Faith of people just like me? What if we had encouraged her to come, to show our guests that we can treat all people with respect and courtesy and dignity? Wouldn’t that have been more important than showing the film and having a discussion about the Bab? I couldn’t say that to the organizer, though, and an opportunity was missed.
To make up for this failing, I held a small gathering for elderly and shut-in Baha’is who couldn’t get to the community’s bicentennial celebrations. I knew there would be another opinionated 80-year old in attendance, and there was potential for either or both to alienate everyone they’re talking to, and I didn’t want my resentment and frustration to spill over. Before the gathering, I prayed to be patient, kind and respectful, particularly to the most difficult person. And with God’s help, I was.
It turned out that I prayed for the wrong person, though, because there was someone else in attendance who got into a power struggle with the difficult person, which, for me, destroyed the whole Holy Day. Another opportunity to examine my expectations, forgive, let go of all ill-feelings, pray for our community and remember the importance of unity.
Remembering that people will never embrace our Faith until they see us practice love and unity in action, I can do my part, perfectly imperfect, and I am grateful.
What jumped out for you as you read through today’s meditation? I’d love it if you would share so we can all expand our knowledge of the Writings!
If you liked this meditation, you might also like my book Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness
Having worked as a field offer for Age Concern I often encountered challenging behaviours and learnt about the causes of moodiness. I was relieved/ to understand that the suffering of ailments causes frustration for our elderly population. Social isolation is the last thing they need. Diabetes causes irritability and empathy and compassion are what they need. I’ve learnt from our indigenous culture how they include and respect their elderly. When anyone is feeling out of sorts kindness and reassurance soothes ruffled feathers. I feel bad about being in community and not being aware of an aging Bahai in a resthome until she had passed. I never heard anything about her and she had been very active. I’ve discussed my concerns with friends about how we need to include and support our ageing community. I feel strongly about this.
I do too, Pamela! We’ll all be there, some day. I remember hearing of a long-time, steadfast pioneer and member of a National Assembly, who spent her last years in a nursing home, with dementia, and largely forgotten. A friend of mine was hired by the National Assembly to go in and visit her and say prayer with her regularly. Wow! Now that was a mature Assembly!
I’m glad to know I’m not alone with such experiences. I don’t have a solution – we can’t simply wait till they’re dead. Or, can we? Would individual, or small group (2-3) visits to such individuals be a solution? I don’t know. Someone advised me once – “You can be united at a distance.” Who says we must all be together in large gatherings? Some people simply can’t handle large groups of people. We’re still thinking in congregational terms. We need to be more decentralized than that. There are so few of us now, accomplishing much of anything is difficult.
Good point, Duane! A lot of problems would disappear when we have a lot more Baha’is!
You have shared boldly and honestly the nature of our spiritually immature communities. What a grief these mental tests are! Thank you for reminding us to keep the beautiful Writing first and foremost.
Yes, keeping the Writings first and foremost is our only hope for peace in our lives and in the world, Simona!
Many of the elderly suffer from hearing loss. It takes so much energy to understand what people passively hear to the hearing impaired! This is why many of them isolate themselves from others and have many misunderstandings. I am hearing impaired and know how much work it is, even with state of the art hearing aides, to follow a conversation where there are many people. Trying to plug in words missed while the conversation goes on and in no time, there is little the hearing impaired understand. There are many misunderstanding which causes frictions. Some of the grouchier confused old folks just cannot hear to understand and aren’t really confused or grouchy at all. Helen Keller said, “Being blind separates people from objects, being deaf separates people from people.” There are many who are impatient with the hearing impaired and think of them as stupid or not paying attention. People often take it for granted the hearing impaired heard when they did not. I came across this frequently in my profession and private life.
O SON OF JUSTICE!
Whither can a lover go but to the land of his beloved? and what seeker findeth rest away from his heart’s desire? To the true lover reunion is life, and separation is death. His breast is void of patience and his heart hath no peace. A myriad lives he would forsake to hasten to the abode of his beloved.
(Baha’u’llah, The Persian Hidden Words)
Nothing makes friends and trust faster than finding God in another person. Most elderly do better with one on one in a relaxed, unrushed environment. I had a patient where I was new and people said she didn’t talk. Within a week, this patient was talking to me and wasn’t confused as reported. The staff was floored! She had parkinson’s and her speech was very slow and mumbled, but understandable. I took the time to treat her with respect. Many of the old folks good days in the institutions would not equal to a bad day of someone else. It doesn’t take a lot for an elderly to just turn inwardly and stay there.
More often than not, people reflect back what you think and feel about them. Light will win over darkness. It is a process we are all learning. We will certainly not find God where we are not looking.
Thank you Susan for hosting this awesome website. I still visit it almost daily.
Every good wish,
Mike
I’m glad it’s still relevant to you Mike, after all these years, and I’m happy to see you’re still in this world! Thank you for the insights about hearing impairment. They’re right on. I have a dear friend whose hearing impaired and watched with anger and dismay at how the Baha’i community have turned on her because of the misunderstandings. She’s very isolated and lonely. She lives 3 hours away and I see her very little anymore, but I’ve learned that texting is the best way to communicate, even when we’re in the same room. She’s recently had a cochlear implant, and is relearning to train her brain to recognize sound that way. We’re hopeful it might improve the quality of her life and allow her to resume participation in Baha’i activities. I have another friend who has Parkinsons and is hard to understand. I often take Feast to her and we have it together. I totally agree, though, that it doesn’t take a lot for elderly people to just turn inwardly and stay there. Please God, let me be more compassionate and patient in dealing with the elderly people in our community.
Wil Bahlmann-Stegeman on 15 January 2020
Thank you for your writing about this matter and remember us to the words of Remembering that people will never embrace our Faith until they see us practice love and unity in action, I can do my part, perfectly imperfect, and I am grateful.
To think, that I can do my part is for me very helpful, so I have to letting go my own expectations about others.
Letting go of my expectations for other Baha’is is one of my biggest tests, Wil! When I became a Baha’i 35 years ago, I really thought that the teachings of Baha’u’llah were so self-evident, that they would be embraced widely in my lifetime. I’ve learned over the years how difficult it is to apply the Teachings in my own life, and I know when I fall short of the bar. It’s very humbling, and yet necessary for me to develop patience and compassion. I agree – being perfectly imperfect is just fine with God. He knows our weakness and our frailties and loves us just the same.
Thank you Susan for your thoughtful posts.
We have a couple of elderly people in our community and this is a timely reminder of how easy it is to overlook them, particularly in the case of one who has dementia and is living with her family who are not Baha’is.
It is also a reminder that as we age we can become quite dogmatic and our communities need to be aware of this. I’ve recently had to reassure a neighbour of one of our elderly Baha’is that the insensitive comment made (by the Baha’i) at the funeral of the neighbour’s son is most definitely not what the faith stands for. It’s difficult as the damage has been done.
Good point, Allison – It’s definitely difficult once the damage has been done. We too will be elderly one day, and statistically the likelihood is great that we too will suffer some form of dementia. When that day comes, I want to be able to reap what I sow!