A unity in diversity of actions is called for, a condition in which different individuals will concentrate on different activities, appreciating the salutary effect of the aggregate on the growth and development of the Faith, because each person cannot do everything and all persons cannot do the same thing. (The Universal House of Justice, A Wider Horizon, Selected Letters 1983-1992, p. 80)
Recently I’ve come to accept myself as I am, not as I thought I wanted to be. For example, for most of my Bahá’í life, I’ve immersed myself in the Writings and in the letters of the House of Justice and tried valiantly to align myself with what I understood the guidance to mean. I drove myself to the point of exhaustion and burn out, trying to put every injunction into effect, truly believing that if I didn’t do everything being asked of all of us, I would personally be responsible to God for delaying the advent of the Most Great Peace. Truly. I believed this!
Then someone reminded me that humanity (including me) has been invited to the banquet table of the Lord. All the Writings put together can be seen as a giant potluck meal and all I have to do is take what I can eat. If I put more than that on my plate, it will be wasted and do me no good. As an extreme introvert, I’m more comfortable writing than speaking; I prefer the solitude of a small circle of people, preferably one-on-one because social engagements leave me feeling exhausted and drained. Much though I want to participate in the core activities, I feel best when doing activities that can be performed alone, and that’s OK. There’s room in this Faith for all of us, doing the best we can, serving in ways that are aligned with the will of God and not done to please others.
Knowing that God loves me and appreciates every effort I make in service, I can stop judging myself so harshly, and I am grateful!
What jumped out for you as you read today’s meditation? I’d love it if you would share so we can all expand our knowledge of the Writings!
If you liked this meditation, you might also like my book Fear into Faith: Overcoming Anxiety
The banquet table analogy is so good to contemplate right now, especially when I’ve been learning as much as I can about how to be a good white ally and at the same time using the institute process with the help of the Guidance… Time to slow down and digest what I can, so I can help the Cause in my own God-given way.
Well said, Cair. When I’m rushing I can’t hear the voice of God and I end up doing things according to my will, not His. I love that the pandemic has forced me to slow way down, and I am grateful!
Meant to thank you Susan, for your words that came at exactly the right time.
Thanks for the encouragement, Cair, but truly, it’s more God’s success than mine, and I am grateful!
Hi Susan
What stood out for me was: “because each person cannot do everything and all persons cannot do the same thing”.’ Being an introvert and believing that I would be punished for not being a high achieving socialite, is something familiar to me as well.
Liked the idea of taking only what you can eat.
This was very helpful.Much appreciated.
l
Yay, I’m glad it was helpful, Lynne. It was a helpful reminder for me too! I teach what I most need to learn myself! And I am grateful!
yes it is true, we must serve the Cause according to our own capacity as Baha’u’llah Says “. . . The portion of some might lie in the palm of a man’s hand, and the others might fill a cup, and the others even a gallon-measure.” Gleanings
Yes, I’ve been thinking about this a lot, Simin. I used to think that I had a bucket full of energy and wondered why I could get so little done, especially during this pandemic. Now I think I might only have a thimble-full, which God fills up fresh every day, and which I use for the betterment of the world and it’s enough, because I’m living up to my capacity. It’s a much gentler, more compassionate way of treating myself. Instead of beating myself up for not doing what everyone else seems able to do, I can celebrate that I’m serving to the best of my capacity, and I am grateful!
I much prefer small gatherings my self, 5 or so is probably good. With COVID-19 and developing a hearing sensitivity where everything is extra loud, through acoustic trauma, connecting through the Internet on Zoom, for example, is impossible for me, so now I’m having to find other ways to serve or be involved. Yes, we can always teach the Faith in many ways, and we can always find our own ways to worship and serve. I remember reading something years ago about how ‘Abdu’l-Bahá never forgot to mention those who served out of sight, the women who cooked the meals as an example.
Well said Marian. I remember that story too, but can’t seem to find it. It does remind me of this quote, though:
Sometimes when I’m judging myself harshly for not serving enough, I’m reminded that perhaps when I get to the Pearly Gates and have my life review, I’ll see that the greatest act of service I ever performed was smiling at someone who needed a smile. Knowing that God can make that little drop of effort into a sea, I can relax and stop judging myself and I am grateful!
“It is the spirit that moves us that counts, not the act through which the spirit expresses itself, and the spirit is to serve the Cause with our heart and soul.” Living the Life, the Guardian
Well said, Simin! This is such an important reminder! I’ve exhausted myself “trying” to be obedient and force my will on my service, instead of waiting to be moved and prompted by the spirit. God’s way is a lot more gentle than my trying to force myself in the name of “sacrificial service”.
I’ve always wondered if it’s a fear of failure (and maybe other things) instead of being introverted?
How does one truly know?
Aren’t there quotes about the Word of God being transforming? Can being/feeling introverted be changed too?
I have no answers.
Great question Linda. The definition of introvert is “someone who prefers calm, minimally stimulating environments. Introverts tend to feel drained after socializing and regain their energy by spending time alone. This is largely because introverts’ brains respond to dopamine differently than extroverts’ brains. In other words, if you’re an introvert, you were likely born that way.” https://introvertdear.com/what-is-an-introvert-definition/
After spending a lifetime trying to emulate the extroverts around me and exhausting myself in the process, I’m coming to accept my God-given introversion just as I’ve come to accept my blue eyes and big nose and short legs. I’ve also recognized that any judgement I have against myself about it are examples of abasing myself, which God doesn’t want from me.
So if you’re an introvert too, welcome to the club! If you’re not sure, there’s a lot more written about introverts on the internet, so you can check it out.
I can relate to being introvert very much. I agree with most of the things said in the reflection and it helps me to bring more out of me.
I am thinking probably that is why I get challenged when I hear some very small number of friends in the community say’ we are not doing enough ‘.
Kind regards
Ayshe
Yes, that hurts my heart too Ayshe, and I can get caught up in judging myself harshly for it, but I’ve learned that when I do, I am only abasing myself, which God doesn’t want for me. I’m glad the House of Justice has told us to “read our reality.” This helps me accept myself with all my weaknesses and frailties.
This visual of the banquet table pot luck is great for me too. I feel the pressure of so much to do to help build the new world order and yet my age has slowed me down to the point of being frustrating. Only taking what I can eat and reminding myself that maybe my contributions will be different than when I was younger is great. Thanks.
You’re welcome Kathleen. I’m glad the image worked for you too!
For a bunch of super-introverts, we are sure
chatty today….that’s a joke. Seriously, it’s probably because we are in the comfort zone
with shared experience. Elaine Aron got a good
sense of tuning our behavior to our temperament and stamina, thereby maximizing our effectiveness. Some of us here have the introvert
genetics combined with bad early experiences,
which she implied is a strong formula for discomfort and needs even more attention to
manage. As far as our most important spiritual/social acts go, Rene[sp.] Pasarow’s
near-death experience showed her something
to the effect that hers was being kind to a
handicapped person once. God sees and understands all, when we try and when we are just pretending.
Yes, I seem to have hit a nerve with chatty introverts on this article Steve. I’m happy to belong to a club of like-minded people and not feel so alone.
You’ve raised an important point with combining introvert genetics with bad early experiences. I think this is true, especially at this time, as restrictions are slowly being eased during the pandemic. It’s become apparent that there are “rule breakers” and “rule followers”, and I definitely fall into the “rule follower” category. Although it makes sense to listen to the scientists, and as Baha’is we’re told to follow the guidance of our governments, I think there’s also (at least for me), an element of needing to follow rules in order to stay safe, which was definitely rooted in childhood trauma.
I’m really counting on God’s mercy for the dishonesty of all the years I was pretending to be someone I wanted to be, instead of accepting my limitations and relaxing into the person God created me to be.
Thanks too for the reminder of Renee Passerow’s near death experience. Sometimes I think that after years of believing that entry by troops rested solely on my doing everything asked of me in the Writings and in the ongoing guidance of the House of Justice, all done perfectly, when I get my life review I’ll discover that the highest and most important act of service I ever did was to smile at someone who needed a smile.
I need to remember that this is a spiritual enterprise, and there are many ways to participate, but that ultimately, the future successes rest with God and not with me. And I can relax in that knowing and I am grateful!
I always have felt exactly the same as you write, because my personality is similar to you in this sense, but somehow I couldn’t accept it, now after reading your post it’s much easier. Many thanks, it was a great help.
Me and my wife love your work, greetings from Portugal.
Thanks for the note of encouragement, Pedro! I’m happy to know that my work is touching hearts from my heart in Canada to yours in Portugal!
I loved your article, Susan and am applying to join the ”Introverts Club”. I also have felt inadequate and overwhelmed because of what I have not achieved or am not able to achieve, although friends remind me that I have been able to do things which most others were not equipped to do.
I am sharing with you below a quote from the September 1964 message of the Universal House of Justice about the basic things we can all do:
”In addition to teaching every believer can pray. Every believer can strive to make his “own inner life and private character mirror forth in their manifold aspects the splendor of those eternal principles proclaimed by Bahá’u’lláh.” Every believer can contribute to the Fund. Not all believers can give public talks, not all are called upon to serve on administrative institutions. But all can pray, fight their own spiritual battles, and contribute to the Fund. If every believer will carry out these sacred duties, we shall be astonished at the accession of power which will result to the whole body, and which in its turn will give rise to further growth and the showering of greater blessings on all of us.”
This is brilliant, Elizabeth! Thanks so much for this vital reminder! It’s so reassuring you might see me use it in an upcoming meditation! 🙂
And welcome to the club. Looks like we’ve got lots of members!
This is amazing. I have spent my whole Baha’i’ life trying to do it all and feeling so guilty that I haven’t lived up to my own expectations of what I think I understand should be done.
I don’t know if part of it is my Catholic upbringing but I take it all so literally and make myself miserable.
Ugh! Thanks for this ❤️❤️
My pleasure, Catherine! I’m glad it’s eased your heart. I too am very familiar with Catholic guilt. You might find this helpful too: Healthy and Unhealthy Guilt and Shame I wrote it to try to come to terms with what was healthy and what wasn’t, so I could learn to separate one from the other.