[‘Abdu’l-Baha] was asked, “How shall I overcome seeing the faults of others – recognizing the wrong in others?” and He replied: “I will tell you. Whenever you recognize the fault of another, think of yourself! What are my imperfections? – and try to remove them. Do this whenever you are tried through the words or deeds of others. Thus you will grow, become more perfect. You will overcome self, you will not even have time to think of the faults of others” (‘Abdu’l-Baha, Star of the West, Volume 8, No.10, p.138)
I’m having trouble with 3 of my neighbours, who are engaged in serious addictions, domestic violence and criminal activities, bringing the police to the building on a regular basis. Yesterday the landlord and victim services met with the tenants to discuss the latest event, which resulted in a full SWAT team swooping in to arrest 3 people charged with armed robbery. I no longer feel safe in my home. Several people have suggested I get to know them as people, without judgement or preconceived ideas and each time, I’ve rejected the idea out of hand. Why would I want to get to know these people? I’d rather hold on to my fear, judgement, suspicion and resentment. Ouch! This is not the behaviour I really want, as a Bahá’í trying to teach the Faith in my community! So this quote is timely.
This is why it’s so important to call ourselves to account each day, and see what behaviors we’d like to change. Following ‘Abdu’l-Bahá’s advice, I can ask myself: What is the fear beneath my judgement? What am I doing to cause people to be afraid of me? How am I pushing people away? What are my own addictions that prevent me from living the life, teaching the Faith and being of service to others? What can I do to be more loving and forgiving? How can I interact with them in a more positive way? What changes can I make myself and what do I need God’s help with? Have I prayed about it? Have I listened for God’s guidance and acted on it? I have work to do! See you tomorrow!
Knowing how to overcome seeing the faults in others, I am grateful!
What jumped out for you as you read today’s meditation? I’d love it if you would share so we can all expand our knowledge of the Writings!
If you liked this meditation, you might also like my book Letting Go of Criticizing Others
Dearest Susan,there are some members of my family that I tried to be in peace with them for years . They are addicted to backbighting calomnie . They interfere in people’s privacy in the name of justice . They have a harsh language . I got seriously ill just being exposed to their disrespect . They almost physically killed me with their words . I don’t want to go into details . I have decided to responsibility protect my self from them . When ever they come to my mind I send them a forgiveness prayer . I remind myself of the love of Baha’u’llah and I remind myself not to behave like this in my life . I don’t want to be influenced by them . My cardiologist asked me to keep away from stressful relationships and behaviours . My husband is adorable and so are our two adult sons . I live on another continent and thank God blessed with many other kind people in my life . Please protect my name!
Thanks for your courage to adding to the discussion, and have deleted your name to protect your privacy. I’m sorry you’ve had such tests and am grateful to see you’re passing them with grace and dignity.
Hi Susan
So sorry to hear of your difficultie.
As you know I have been having the same problems with my neighbours. I think that setting boundaries and staying away from people who are involved in criminal behaviour is a wise decision, and not the same as seeing faults and being critical. If there is a hole in the ground you aren’t criticizing it for being a hole in the ground if you say “that it is a hole and dangerous to my health; if I don’t walk around it I will fall in.”
There is nothing wrong with smiling and saying hello, then looking away.
From my own experience with my neighbours, I would advise you to not attempt to be friends with these people. They are totally preoccupied with their lifestyle and unless you start using they will become very suspicious of you. They want to protect their behaviour and be left alone.
“Thus when Christ said: “Whosoever shall smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the left one also,” 1 it was for the purpose of teaching men not to take personal revenge. He did not mean that, if a wolf should fall upon a flock of sheep and wish to destroy it, the wolf should be encouraged to do so. No, if Christ had known that a wolf had entered the fold and was about to destroy the sheep, most certainly He would have prevented it.”
Abdu-l-Baha, Baha’i Reference library
“..but the most essential thing is that the people must be educated in such a way that no crimes will be committed” Abdu-l-Baha,Baha’i Ref.Library
You are finding solutions and teaching the others in the buiding who are being adversely effected this; will hopefully prevent any of them from becoming a user.
Saying prayers for you.
Wow, Lynne! That’s a great way to look at it. I’ve never thought of that before! Thanks for adding to my understanding and also for your prayers!
I recently watched some of the live coverage of the National Convention of the Bahá’ís of Canada. A story was shared by one of the Counsellors for America. He talked about his experience visiting a Bahá’í community (cluster) in Australia where their growth has been amazing. The most important point he made in my mind was that in the 9 -10 days he was there, he never once heard a word of criticism. Only encouragement.
A Hidden Word from the Writings of Bahá’u’lláh which may also be helpful to some.
O FRIEND!
In the garden of thy heart plant naught but the rose of love, and from the nightingale of affection and desire loosen not thy hold. Treasure the companionship of the righteous and eschew all fellowship with the ungodly.
If you don’t know the meaning of eschew, as it’s not commonly used, it means avoid, abstain from, and other similar words as synonyms.
Thanks so much for contributing to the discussion with a story and a quote Marian! You made my day!
Please God, hasten the day when we can all speak only words of encouragement! It’s such an important stage on the way to the Golden Age envisioned by Baha’u’llah.
First to say how much I’ve enjoyed your blog and the wealth of good information I’ve found here. Your encouragement of other people is outstanding.
On the subject of getting to know people involved in armed robbery and a SWOT operation I’d only suggest [having a husband with a long career as a psychologist in criminal matters] that prayer would be a good option. As Baha’is we can mistake ourselves for social workers and best to leave that to the professionals.
Meanwhile, I know there are plenty of places in life where I should be far less judgemental, far more supportive and outgoing. I see this all the time — perhaps not in such a graphic way as this story portrays. But many become friends if you just reach out a hand or say hello.
Thanks so much for your encouragement, Nancy! And for contributing to the discussion.
You’re absolutely right. In the tyranny of the moment, when a lot of childhood trauma was being triggered, I was reacting from a place of terror couldn’t understand this. When it was brought to my attention by several people, I felt such shame for not immediately recognizing that this indeed is what Bahai’s are called on to do, and have since taken action in this direction with my neighbor and showing compassion to my own poor self.