It is obvious that if we listen to those who complain to us about the faults of others we are guilty of complicity in their backbiting. We should therefore, as tactfully as possible, but yet firmly, do our utmost to prevent others from making accusations or complaints against others in our presence. (Shoghi Effendi, Lights of Guidance, p. 94)
I don’t know about you, but I’m finding it increasingly difficult to be part of conversations where people are complaining about others. It seems to be happening so often and when I get caught up in it, it feels like I’m sitting in a vat full of poison. I used to like hanging out in the common room in our apartment building to get to know my neighbors, but despite my best efforts to elevate the level of conversation, it always leaves me drained so now I avoid it entirely. I used to appreciate eating at the soup kitchen as it really helped keep my food budget down but when I heard people criticizing the organization that fed us, I couldn’t bear it so now I don’t go there either.
Some days I think I’m really withdrawing from the world to avoid the conflict and can easily get caught up in judging myself harshly for it. This quote gives me some comfort because it doesn’t say I have to stay and make things better, which I used to believe, it says I need to do my utmost to prevent others from making accusations or complaints against others in my presence. Avoiding the ungodly is acceptable in God’s eyes!
Knowing it’s OK to prevent others from making accusations or complaints in my presence I am grateful!
What jumped out for you as you read through today’s meditation? I’d love it if you would share so we can all expand our knowledge of the Writings!
If you liked this meditation, you might also like my book Making Friends with Sin and Temptation
How do we balance taking care of ourselves in those situations with the desire to bring peace?
LOL! That’s funny Jay! I was just asking myself that exact question today! Obviously I don’t have the answer, but I have looked at the Writings. Thank you for reminding me to look at what I’ve discovered:
The Importance of Good Self-Care
The Need for Rest
How Do We Start Taking Care of Our Own Needs?
How To Take Care Of Yourself And Not Feel Guilty!
I also find it difficult to hear people complain or backbite. Therefore, often, I try to quickly change the subject or say something( often with my facial expression) to stop them.
However, sometimes, I feel that they feel frustrated not being able communicate their feelings to a friend.
I used to think that the Baha’i communities should be places of refuge where people could share the things that were on their minds, no matter how negative. Now I’m seeing the effects of it – often it brings people down. The House of Justice is asking us to elevate the level of discourse, and I’ve seen how this makes service much more effective. Using the language of the virtues can also be helpful. When I was listening to someone vent yesterday, I was able to focus on what was at the root of the backbiting: “You’re angry because you wanted her to be compassionate and respectful.” Bringing it back to her, seemed to help her feel heard and the backbiting stopped. Thank you God!
I think that these kind of people are not aware of their ill attitude of their soul. therefore, if I avoid them it seems that as if I would be escaping the outcast person frum the society,whereas my duty as a human being would call me to stay beside them and entreating God to assist them by His remedial Words untill to see the signs of healing within them.on one hand, this would be a huge challenge and on the other reciting the healing prayer will attract the God’s confirmations constantly!
It’s absolutely true, Simin! I’m not always this spiritually mature yet! On days when I can’t be around people who are backbiting, or sit with them or engage them in conversation regarding what causes them to think that way, I can still pray for them.
For me, the challenge is not to judge others by my standards and not to judge them at all as I don’t know their underlying motivation for their comments. In such situations I try to offer an alternative positive view and ask them why they feel that way. Eventually what may happen is people stop making negative comments around me as they know what my response will be and they do not have an audience to support their views. This will hopefully eventually “prevent” the negative comments being saiid at all.
Well said, Don! Thank you for these valuable insights!