The following was written as part of my Step 1 Homework, getting clear about my relationship to God. At the request of several people, I share it here, in hopes that others might find it helpful.
Help Wanted – A Higher Power Who Can Restore Me To Sanity
Desperately powerless workaholic, child of an alcoholic, survivor of incest, debtor and under-earner is seeking a Higher Power who will restore her to sanity.
Must be all-knowing, ever-forgiving (even when she forgets to ask), patient (with the changes that take time) and give unconditional love (even at times she doesn’t deserve it).
Must be able to help her:
- feel safe in the knowledge that she’s loved, protected and forgiven no matter what she does or fails to do
- let go of a past filled with self-hatred and self-doubt so she can move confidently into whatever comes next
- be patient with a life that’s not obviously productive
- free herself from all guilt and shame so she can develop more compassion and love towards her own poor self and become her own best friend
- accept what is, so she can enjoy every minute of her life and get excited about the time that’s left on this earth
- find the courage to be honest and vulnerable as she learns how to let go of fear of abandonment so she can develop healthy relationships with others and find like-minded friends to go on adventures with
- transform hopeless, helpless despair into a zest for life
- let go of all disappointment and defeatism and wanting to die, so she can be a happy and joyful being
- fill her bucket with love and joy so she can bring hope to a troubled world
- get back in stride with a pace that’s manageable as she moves towards health and healing in body, mind and spirit
- find a creative way to earn money that pays well, uses her skills, talents and abilities without compulsive caretaking and adrenalizing, people pleasing or approval seeking, while allowing for plenty of time for rest, relaxation, relationships and play, so that she can take care of her physical, mental and financial health.
In exchange, she is willing to:
- spend time daily in prayer and meditation
- abide by the will of God at all times and under all conditions
- strive for radiant acquiescence with whatever He ordains
- work the 12 Steps of Workaholics Anonymous
Working Hours: Position requires long working hours and on-call availability 24/7.
Salary: Willing to barter for a life of healthy service.