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By a Reader of this Blog who Wishes to Remain Anonymous

One of my clients, inspired by the Codependent Checklist, went through the list, identified the ones he related to, and systematically used it to forgive himself. We both agreed it would be helpful to share this process with others who might be inspired to do it for themselves.

I suggest you go through the list first, identify the ones you’d like to forgive yourself for, then put your name in front of each section, saying each one out loud, starting with “Susan (or your name), I forgive you for . . .”  By speaking the sentences out loud, it will have a very powerful effect on your soul!

Caretaking

I forgive you for

  • thinking and feeling for other people`s feelings, actions, choices, wants, needs, wellbeing, lack of wellbeing and ultimate destiny.
  • feeling anxiety and guilt when others have problems.
  • anticipating other people`s needs.
  • saying yes when you mean no
  • doing things you don’t really want to do
  • doing more than your fair share of the work
  • doing things other people are capable of doing themselves
  • trying to please others instead of yourself
  • feeling and expressing anger about injustices done to others and not for injustices done to you.
  • feeling safest when giving.
  • feeling insecure and guilty when someone gives to you.
  • finding yourself attracted to needy people.
  • abandoning your routine to respond to or do something for somebody else
  • overcommitting yourself.
  • feeling harried and pressured
  • believing deep inside you are somehow responsible for others.
  • blaming others for the spot you are in
  • feeling angry, victimized, unappreciated and used
  • all the times other people become impatient or angry with you for all of the above

Self-Worth 

I forgive you for

  • coming from a troubled, repressed and dysfunctional family
  • blaming yourself for everything
  • picking on yourself for everything, including the way you think, feel, look, act and behave
  • getting angry, defensive, self-righteous, and indignant when others blame and criticize you for something you regularly do to yourself
  • getting depressed from a lack of compliments and praise
  • feeling different from the rest of the world
  • thinking you’re not quite good enough
  • feeling guilty about spending money on yourself or doing unnecessary or fun things for yourself.
  • fearing rejection
  • taking things personally
  • being a victim of sexual, physical, emotional abuse, neglect, abandonment and alcoholism
  • feeling like a victim
  • telling yourself that you can’t do anything right
  • being afraid of making mistakes
  • wondering why you have a tough time making decisions
  • expecting yourself to do everything perfectly
  • wondering why you can’t get anything done to your satisfaction
  • having a lot of “shoulds’
  • feeling a lot of guilt
  • feeling ashamed of who you are
  • thinking your life isn`t worth living
  • trying to help other people live your life instead
  • getting artificial feelings of self-worth from helping others
  • getting strong feelings of low self-worth, embarrassment and failure from other people’s failures and problem
  • believing you don’t deserve good things and happiness
  • wishing other people would like and love you
  • believing other people couldn’t possibly like and love you
  • trying to prove you’re good enough for other people
  • settling for being needed

Depression 

I forgive you for

  • Pushing your thoughts and feelings out of your awareness because of fear and guilt
  • Becoming afraid to let yourself be who you are
  • being rigid and controlled

Obsession 

I forgive you for

  • thinking and talking a lot about other people
  • losing sleep over problems or other people’s behavior
  • worrying
  • never finding answers
  • checking on people
  • trying to catch people in acts of misbehavior
  • being unable to quit talking, thinking and worrying about other people and their problems
  • abandoning your routine because you are so upset about somebody or something
  • focusing all your energy on other people and problems
  • wondering why you never have any energy
  • wondering why you can’t get things done

Denial 

I forgive you for

  • telling yourself things will be better tomorrow
  • staying busy so you don’t have to think about things
  • getting confused
  • lying to yourself
  • spending money compulsively
  • wondering why you feel like you’re going crazy

Dependency 

I forgive you for

  • not feeling happy, content, or peaceful with yourself
  • looking for happiness outside yourself
  • latching onto whoever or whatever you think can provide happiness
  • feeling terribly threatened by the loss of anything or person you think provides your happiness
  • desperately seeking love and approval
  • trying to prove you’re good enough to be loved
  • not taking time to figure out if you love or like other people
  • centering your life around other people
  • looking to relationships to provide all your good feelings
  • losing interest in your own life when you love someone
  • worrying other people will leave you
  • not believing you can take care of yourself
  • staying in relationships that don’t work
  • tolerating abuse to keep people loving you
  • feeling trapped in relationships
  • leaving bad relationships and forming new ones that don’t work either
  • wondering if you will ever find love
  • not saying what you mean
  • not meaning what you say
  • not knowing what you mean
  • not taking yourself seriously
  • thinking other people don’t take you seriously
  • taking yourself too seriously
  • asking for what you want and need, indirectly
  • finding it difficult to get to the point
  • not being sure what the point is
  • trying to say what you think will please people
  • trying to say what you think will provoke people
  • trying to say what you hope will make people do what you want them to do
  • eliminating the word No from your vocabulary
  • talking about other people
  • believing your opinions don’t matter
  • waiting to express your opinions until you know other people’s opinions
  • lying to protect and cover up for people you love
  • lying to protect yourself
  • having a difficult time expressing your emotions honestly, openly and appropriately
  • thinking most of what you have to say is unimportant
  • begin to talk in cynical, self-degrading or hostile ways
  • apologizing for bothering people

Boundaries 

I forgive you for

  • gradually increasing your tolerance until you can tolerate and do things you said you never would
  • letting others hurt you
  • keep letting people hurt you
  • wondering why you hurt so badly

Trust 

I forgive you for

  • not trusting yourself
  • not trusting your feelings
  • not trusting your decisions
  • trying to trust untrustworthy people

Anger 

I forgive you for

  • being afraid of your own anger
  • being frightened of other people’s anger
  • thinking people will go away if anger enters the picture
  • thinking other people make you feel angry
  • being afraid to make other people feel anger
  • feeling controlled by other people’s anger
  • repressing your angry feelings
  • being ashamed for feeling angry
  • placing guilt and shame on yourself for feeling angry

Extremely Responsible 

I forgive you for

  • being extremely irresponsible
  • becoming a martyr
  • sacrificing your happiness and that of others for causes that don’t require sacrifice
  • finding it difficult to feel close to people
  • finding it difficult to have fun and be spontaneous
  • vacillating in decisions and emotions
  • staying loyal to your compulsions and people even when it hurts
  • being ashamed about family, personal or relationship problems
  • being confused about the nature of the problem

Progressive 

I forgive you for

  • becoming withdrawn and isolated
  • experiencing complete loss of daily routine and structure
  • feeling hopeless.

Once he completed this process, he then asked God to forgive him for the issues he identified with, asking for the virtue he wanted instead.  You might want to have a look at it too.

How has this been helpful?  Post your comments below!