Root out the sources of dissension and raise up the foundations of harmony. Cling tenaciously to the hem of the love of God and cleanse your hearts of any trace of estrangement or conflict. Thus may the light of divine bestowal shine resplendent, and ye become the recipients of the effulgent glory of the Sun of Truth. (From a Tablet of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá—translated from the Persian, from Give me Thy Grace to Serve Thy Loved Ones, Compilation for the 2018 Counsellors’ Conference, [15])
The other day I learned that someone in our community had decided not to have any more contact with the Bahá’í community. I shouldn’t have been surprised because we haven’t seen her out to anything in many years, but the comment took me by surprise and I took offense. Not only that, I began to blame myself, wondering what I might have done to cause this reaction. Suddenly her estrangement became my own. Now instead of one person upset, the numbers had doubled. I may not have caused her initial problem, but I was certainly now the source of dissension.
I find it interesting to learn the wisdom in letting go of the inner conflict and desire for estrangement. It’s so I can receive divine bestowals and become the recipient of God’s glory. To receive these gifts, I don’t have to do anything to change my attitude towards her. I don’t have to detach from my righteous indignation and hurt. All I have to do, is cling tenaciously to the hem of the love of God. I can do that!
Knowing the many benefits of clinging to God’s love, I am grateful!
What jumped out for you as you read through today’s meditation? I’d love it if you would share so we can all expand our knowledge of the Writings!
If you liked this meditation, you might also like my book Getting to Know Your Lower Nature
This really made me think about the personal experience that I am going through. My wife is not a Baha’i and has decided to leave our marriage in order to be more active in her Church. She has been coming to Baha’i gatherings for number of years as well as holding many events at our home.
It has been a big test and challenge for me to think with a spirit of unity and harmony about her church and her family who are encouraging her to do this. This writing however makes it clear to “Cling tenaciously to the hem of the love of God and cleanse your hearts of any trace of estrangement or conflict.”
The words that stand out for me are ‘clinging tenaciously’ and ‘any trace of estrangement’. What those words say to me is the fact that this is not a simple or easy task, it requires constant effort and a watchful eye on how we feel inside at any time. If I bring my personal difficulty to effect my judgement and compel me to think antagonistically and judgmentally about a whole group of people, I have failed on all counts, marriage, faith and spirituality.
This is an extremely high bar and not an easy task, but it is one that we are able to do if we are, as the writing say, ‘tenacious’. It is a task that I am not able to do by myself and without the assistance from my prayer hearing, prayer answering God!
Absolutely right, Mehrdad! The bar is set very high and none of us can reach it by ourselves, but when we lean on God, we can’t fail. Thanks for the courage to share your story. You’re my hero!
I often wonder what causes people to become estranged. Based on a friend’s experience, I suspect it has to do with expectations not being met. We expect others within the community to act or behave or interact with or support us in a certain way, and it is not forthcoming. Or someone, being an imperfect human, says something that offends or bothers us, and we say to ourselves, “Bahais shouldn’t act that way! Screw them! Screw the whole community!” — and presto, we are estranged.
What is it, exactly, that we are expecting of each other? Based on the experiences of a couple of friends who declared and then didn’t/couldn’t continue, I think people entering a faith community expect that they are going to RECEIVE a lot of support, propping up, etc. — not that they are going to have to be the strong ones, over and over and over.
My aunt recently said to me, after I had an emotional outburst at my children whom I felt weren’t supporting me adequately when they arrived in the country (and I’m under a lot of stress and pressure), she has learned to not have expectations of ANYONE. I suppose that’s how you avoid disappointment, but I don’t know how realistic it is in the long term. What do others think?
Great question, Roya,
These article might give some clues and help continue the discussion:
Why Do People Resign from the Bahá’í Faith? https://www.ninestarsolutions.com/why-do-people-resign-from-the-bahai-faith/
Letter to a Former Baha’i: https://www.ninestarsolutions.com/letter-to-a-former-bahai/
I cannot resign from the Faith because I cannot lie and say that I don‘t believe in Baha’u’llah but I can stay away from Baha’is. I have lived with frequent shaming by very many people including Baha’is. As a person with ADHD, chronic anxiety, PTSD and bipolar type II I have now learned that I am considered “neurodivergent”. Among other things I have been told that I am a “hothouse flower” and should not have been born. As I age I have withdrawn more and more from all people. For most of the last 17 years I have been the only Baha’i in my town. I have tried to integrate back into a Baha’i community twice recently when new people came to the community but get afraid when thoughtless unkind things are said about me. When the worst started I thought I was being an active, involved Baha’i. Since then I have learned how many, many mistakes I made and I no longer trust anything about myself and my judgement. I fear that I will never have the sense to behave in ways that will not dishonor the Faith Now all I wish is that there is a kind of purgatory and when I die I will just refuse to “follow the light”. I don’t think I could bear to see all the people I have wronged in some way.
O JW. It’s truly heartbreaking when Baha’is and the Institutions are so hurtful. I get it! I’ve lived in these kinds of communities as well. You might find this book helpful: Love and Estrangement in the Baha’i Community
In the meantime, I admire your steadfastness in clinging to the cord of Baha’u’llah. That will always steer you in the right direction. I’m absolutely confident that you were an active, involved Baha’i and will be again. We’re told not to worry about the mistakes we make. Here’s what Shoghi Effendi had to say:
Thank you so much Susan. I will definitely meditate on those wonderful quotes. I find it very hard to read the Writings and other Baha’i publications because I always feel so very inadequate and ashamed when I see what Baha’is are to strive for. Does anyone else experience that and, if so, how do you get past it?
Absolutely I’ve struggled with this JW! Even though I tutored all the Ruhi Books up to Book 10, many times, I used to see them as a giant “to do” list, at which I was failing miserably. The bar was set so high, and the perfectionist in me tried valiantly to reach it all, and I burned out trying. Now I’m being kinder on myself, recognizing that God created me because He loved me, and His love for me isn’t going to change. He knows my heart, and my weakness. Falling short no longer means I personally am delaying the Most Great Peace (a burden which was on my shoulders for many years)
I shy away from Community activities because of my conflict with a community member. I attended a feast recently and we both were there. I was tempted to play the game of one upping him but instead decided to focus on the unity, peace and fellowship that this activity demands. There was a picture of Abdulbaha so I focused my attention on Him whenever I felt the conflict arise in me. It was very difficult because I believe this person of conflict abused me in the past. I’m not sure if I can go through this type of struggle again and yet I do not want to deprive myself of future Bahai events.
What kind and degree of abuse are we talking here. Not wishing to demonize individuals with a Bahai Me Too movement please turn to just authority for police matters immediately. We are praying for you.
O Donna! This is such an inspiring story! Good for you. One decision, one meeting a time. That’s all it takes to strengthen our higher natures and transform our communities. I know it’s not easy but you’re my hero for trying!
One more thing – please consider sharing this person’s abuse with the Assembly. That way it’s their problem and not yours.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
Reporting Abuse: https://www.ninestarsolutions.com/reporting-abuse/
Meeting with an Assembly: https://www.ninestarsolutions.com/meeting-with-an-assembly/
Thank you so much Susan! You are my hero as well. Love and peace!
I don’t know if this is an appropriate place for the following but I have a strong need to share it. I have just been watching Nightline onTV. The things covered in this program have made me so very happy and given me an even greater love for the people in the world. There are so many people that are genuinely doing for and caring more than ever before about others.
As Baha’is we knew that things like this had to happen to awaken mankind but I didn’t realize that something like Covid-19 would wake people to an even greater extent than other recent tragedies. It is so joyous to see that even the Ford Motor Company, a major force in our materialistic society, is happily converting its plants to make needed medical supplies. Seeing this is even giving me more strength to take all the love I feel inside and act on it instead of hiding away from others.
That’s such an important reminder JW. It’s so important for us to focus on the positive things that are happening in the world, especially at this time. The thing that takes my breath away is realizing that for the first time in history, everyone in the world has agreed to undertake the same course of action at the same time, for the betterment of the world! Wow! Once that we’ve all recognized the oneness of mankind, the world can never go back again. It’s pointing clearly to the Most Great Peace! Thanks Baha’u’llah for this virus!
How do I contact you, or should I even do so?
I have been saving your blogs for a long time figuring some day I would be ready to start reading. Now I’ve finally just started reading some of the things you have shared and plan on continuing . I am amazed that we share so many “diagnoses”. I am reading Fear Into Faith now and have two questions.
1. You talk about finding quotes that answered your questions. Did you search by subject or just start reading Baha’i books from the beginning?
2. Do you have a particular book that might be a good place for me to start?
Excellent questions, JW.
I started by searching Ocean by topic. It’s a searchable index of all the Baha’i Writings. So for example, if I was looking up quotes on anxiety, I would type it into Ocean, make a collection of anything that seemed relevant, and then pull them apart, to find a common thread. Then I saved the quotes to a series of databases, so I wouldn’t have to go back to Ocean every time, but could easily find a relevant quote when I needed it. I then secured 3 domains to post them online: Baha’i Quotes; Baha’i Prayers and Baha’i Stories.
I’m not the right person to ask about a favorite book. I used to pride myself on never having read Baha’i books because I got lost in the flowery language and didn’t know what it was saying and hated feeling stupic. I prefer reading compilations, because then I know what the topic is!
Well I actually have found a favorite book now: Fear Into Faith. All of it is exactly what I have been needing for a long time and the quotes are spot on. You are my hero too for this!
Yay! I’m glad you find it helpful, JW!