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Abuse Happens when We Come From our Lower Nature 

As a devoted believer you are urged to strive to develop forgiveness in your heart toward your parents who have abused you in so disgraceful a manner, and to attain a level of insight which sees them as captives of their lower nature, whose actions can only lead them deeper into unhappiness and separation from God. By this means, you can liberate yourself from the anger to which you refer in your letter, and foster your own spiritual development.   (Written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice, to this author, 9 September 1992)

The first time my heart was broken was when I was first sexually abused by my father, and hearing my mother say in response: “I wish she’d never been born.”  With this criticism, I believed it was my fault.  Neither the abuse, nor her hurtful comment had anything to do with me, though I believed it did.

For over 50 years, I told myself things like “you’re unlovable”; “you deserve to be used for sex”; “life will always be like this” etc.  As a small child, these statements made sense as I was trying to make sense of the world the only way I knew how.  As an adult, though, the House of Justice taught me that I had to learn to separate their actions from the meaning I gave to them.  I came to realize that these beliefs (and more) were just lies coming from my lower nature, and I would be just as responsible to God for the “abuse” I was heaping on myself; as my parents would be for the abuse they heaped on me!   The scale of the sin might be different, but we were all acting from our lower natures.

Once I realized that my parent’s abusive actions arose from their lower natures, which hooked into my lower nature (when I believed the abuse had anything to do with me), I was able to get free of both my anger and my self-pity.

Learning that when I can attain this level of insight, I free myself from criticism and anger; and foster my spiritual development, I am grateful!

What jumped out for you as you read today’s meditation?  I’d love it if you would share so we can all expand our knowledge of the Writings!

If you liked this meditation, you might also like my book Letting Go of Criticizing Others

 

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Praying for our Parents

O Lord! In this Most Great Dispensation Thou dost accept the intercession of children in behalf of their parents. This is one of the special infinite bestowals of this Dispensation. Therefore, O Thou kind Lord, accept the request of this Thy servant at the threshold of Thy singleness and submerge his father in the ocean of Thy grace, because this son hath arisen to render Thee service and is exerting effort at all times in the pathway of Thy love. Verily, Thou art the Giver, the For­giver and the Kind!  (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Bahá’í Prayers (US Edition), p. 65)

In the days when I was so angry with my parents for the abuse they perpetrated on me as an adult, and their choice not to talk to me about it; in the days when I couldn’t forgive, I found this prayer that I could use, remembering that the Bab had promised that:

Thousand upon thousand of what thou hast asked for thy parents shall be thy recompense! (Selections from the Writings of the Bab, p. 217).

Although I wasn’t yet ready to forgive, I knew that I could ask God to forgive them for me, and that it would benefit me as well as them.  That’s what was in my heart, when I was saying this prayer.

I like using this prayer because it reminds me:

  • God accepts our intercession in behalf of our parents
  • Asking for God’s forgiveness for my parents is one of His special infinite bestowals
  • The service and efforts I make will submerge them in the Ocean of His grace
  • God is the Giver, the For­giver and the Kind (for both me and my parents)

Knowing that when I use this prayer, God will also forgive me, and submerge me in the Ocean of His grace, I am grateful!

What jumped out for you as you read today’s meditation?  I’d love it if you would share so we can all expand our knowledge of the Writings!

If you liked this meditation, you might also like my book Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

 

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Things are Getting Better

Behold the disturbances which, for many a long year, have afflicted the earth, and the perturbation that hath seized its peoples. It hath either been ravaged by war, or tormented by sudden and unforeseen calamities. (Bahá’u’lláh, Tablets of Bahá’u’lláh, p.163)

Whenever another calamity happens anywhere in the world, my anxiety level goes way up.  It helps to be reminded that many of the atrocities we see in the world could be part of God’s plan, moving us towards the Lesser Peace.  As we know, the Major Plan of God is leading humanity toward maturity through the simultaneous processes of integration and disintegration.  Sometimes it’s easy to only see evidence of the disintegration.

I recently read studies which tell us that despite all the atrocities we hear on the news each day; our world is becoming less violent.  In fact, statistics show that violence is in a steady decline!  I was shocked when I first read that, but you can read about it yourself at sites such as:

As I read study after study, I realized that I had to let go of my belief that things were getting worse.  It’s hard to be able to elevate the level of discourse in the people around me, when I too am focused on only the negative.

Being reminded that Baha’u’llah’s influence is changing the world for the better, I am grateful!

[1] http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/22/world-less-violent-stats_n_1026723.html

[2] http://www.hsrgroup.org/human-security-reports/human-security-report.aspx

[3] http://hdr.undp.org/en/statistics/

[4] http://www.ted.com/talks/steven_pinker_on_the_myth_of_violence.html

[5] http://www.cidcm.umd.edu/pc/

[6] http://www.systemicpeace.org/

What jumped out for you as you read today’s meditation?  I’d love it if you would share so we can all expand our knowledge of the Writings!

If you liked this meditation, you might also like my book Fear into Faith:  Overcoming Anxiety

 

 

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Why Do Children Have to Suffer from Evil?

On this plane of existence, there are many injustices that the human mind cannot fathom. Among these are heart-rending trials of the innocent …. With regard to the spiritual significance of the suffering of children ‘who are afflicted at the hands of the oppressor’, ‘Abdu’l-Bahá not only states that for those souls ‘the afflictions that they bear in life become a cause for them of …. an outpouring of divine mercy and bestowal’, He also explains that to be a recipient of God’s mercy is ‘preferable to a hundred thousand earthly comforts’, and He promised that ‘in the world to come a mighty recompense awaiteth such souls’. Much, indeed, might be said upon this theme, and upon how the afflictions that they bear in life become the cause for them of such an outpouring of Divine mercy and bestowal as is preferable to a hundred thousand comforts and to a world of growth and development in this transitory abode.  (Written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual, 2 December 1985)

A few years ago, I was concerned about a child who seemed to be suffering from neglect and abuse and I tried to get help, only to be told “it’s OK.  He’ll grow out of it.  Children are resilient.”  This really triggered my own experience.  I don’t think it’s OK.  I certainly didn’t grow out of it and at that time, I didn’t at all feel resilient because of it.  This bothered me for many years, until I found this quote.  From it I learned that:

  • there are many injustices that the human mind cannot fathom, including the suffering of children at the hands of the oppressors
  • many details are connected with it
  • a mighty recompense awaits them in the next world, including an outpouring of divine mercy and bestowal
  • their suffering is preferable to all the comfort of this world
  • it’s preferable to all the growth and development they may have missed in this world
  • it’s preferable to a hundred thousand earthly comforts

I gather that this information comes from tablets of ‘Abdu’l-Baha not yet translated, and I’d love to read the whole quote, but I’m so happy that the House of Justice summarized it.  This helps me to accept that God’s aware of this problem, so I can let go of my need to look for justice in this world.  It also helps me be patient through all the tests and spiritual growth that stems from my childhood abuse.

I wasn’t able to help that child; and no one was there to help me as a child but knowing that God saw it all and there will be compensation, I am grateful!

What jumped out for you as you read today’s meditation?  I’d love it if you would share so we can all expand our knowledge of the Writings!

If you liked this meditation, you might also like my book Overcoming Abuse and Violence

 

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How We Meditate  

It is incumbent upon you to ponder in your hearts and meditate upon His words, and humbly to call upon Him, and to put away self in His heavenly Cause. These are the things that will make of you signs of guidance unto all mankind, and brilliant stars shining down from the all-highest horizon, and towering trees in the Abhá Paradise.  (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, p. 241)

Recently someone on a 12-step meeting challenged me about how I meditate, claiming that the only legitimate form of meditation is to focus on the breath.  I’ve certainly tried that kind of sitting meditation in the past, but it only caused agitation and even panic attacks.  I always thought there was something wrong with me, until recently several articles serendipitously crossed my path indicating that this is a frequent problem for those who’ve experienced trauma, particularly at a young age.  Mindfulness meditation can reopen these old wounds, and without appropriate support, those who’ve experienced trauma can easily find themselves flooded by flashbacks of deeply painful experiences.  Learning this helped me to accept that the ways I meditate are legitimate.

So what is legitimate meditation for Baha’is?  For years, I considered anything I do to improve the ways I know and worship God to be my meditation.  Sometimes it might be through listening to my YouTube playlist of Bahá’í Prayers and Writings set to music; or doing yoga or mindfully walking in the forest and hugging a tree or journaling my heart out (or even napping, where I pour my heart out to God).  All of these help me to slow down long enough to listen to the quiet, gentle and loving voice of God, guiding my movement and my stillness.

On the heels of this awareness, I came across a discussion in a Bahá’í group on Facebook, about how Bahá’ís meditate and lots of ideas were generated but not one person put forward the above quote and I wondered why.  It seems to answer the question once and for all.  Anything else we do can only be secondary to pondering and meditating on the words of God AND humbly to call upon Him, and to put away self in His heavenly Cause.

Knowing the meaning of Bahá’í meditation, I can relax into it, and I am grateful!

What jumped out for you as you read today’s meditation?  I’d love it if you would share so we can all expand our knowledge of the Writings!

If you liked this meditation, you might also like my book Strengthening Your Relationship with God

 

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