First and foremost, one should use every possible means to purge one’s heart and motives, otherwise, engaging in any form of enterprise would be futile. It is also essential to abstain from hypocrisy and blind imitation, inasmuch as their foul odour is soon detected by every man of understanding and wisdom. (From a letter dated 19 December 1923 to the Bahá’ís of the East—translated from the Persian, in Living the Life: Excerpts from the Writings of Shoghi Effendi, Third Edition (New Delhi: Bahá’í Publishing Trust, 1997), p. 2, from Give me Thy Grace to Serve Thy Loved Ones, Compilation for the 2018 Counsellors’ Conference, [5])
For so many years, I turned myself into a pretzel, trying to be whoever “you” wanted me to be, so that I could get the love and respect I didn’t get as a child. I didn’t even know I was doing it. I looked at other people who were successful and I copied what they were doing, and mostly I did it so well that I fit in and felt as if I belonged. Sometimes I felt like a fraud, but mostly I believed I was on the right track. Then I found this quote, and in studying it, several things came to my mind:
- When I looked at my motives, I could see that I was trying to manipulate others into liking my falsely created self.
- The hypocrisy was that when I was in “blind imitation” of other people, I wasn’t being the Susan that God created.
But having this awareness, didn’t stop the behavior, because who was I if I wasn’t the person I thought I was? It’s taken several years in 12 step recovery to let go of this false self, strengthen my relationship with God, and learn to take my direction from him. This process is taking me further away from who I wanted to be, and I’m not sure where I’m going, but I trust God with the process.
One day at a time, I’m reclaiming my nobility and I am grateful!
What jumped out for you when you read this passage? Please share your thoughts below.
If you liked this meditation, you might also like my book Making Friends with Sin and Temptation
Wonderful! These insights are so important!
I’m grateful they resonate with you Barbara.
When my daughter was a teenager I told her firmly NOT to imitate me. I didn’t know this was a concern of hers, but it relieved her a great deal. Then she moved to a community where THEY expected her to imitate me. She did, and became angry. She is now not participating at all and will not let me talk about it. This has been very difficult for me, but she knows I love her, so I focus on that.
It’s true Duane. We teach our children to be independent and then when they are, and they don’t have time for us, it’s very painful.
Most of us want love and approval from others. Like you, I am trying to concentrate on approval from God by striving to live in accordance with Baha’u’llah’s teachings. Lots of tests and bringing myself to account.
Me too Lin. I think I can’t grow spiritually without the tests, so I try to remember to be grateful instead of fighting them.
Dear Susan;
This really resonated with me, especially when you said that you tried to please others by imitating others. I found myself doing the same. Now I have finally realized that there is not one way of being a “good” Baha’i, that being myself is enough and that the fact that we are so different is really what unity means. Accepting everyone for who they are, stop trying to change them and forgetting the idea that you have to fit a certain mould in order to be a good follower of Bahá’u’lláh.
Thank you for your wonderful work!
Well said Azar! I totally agree!