As a devoted believer you are urged to strive to develop forgiveness in your heart toward your parents who have abused you in so disgraceful a manner, and to attain a level of insight which sees them as captives of their lower nature, whose actions can only lead them deeper into unhappiness and separation from God. By this means, you can liberate yourself from the anger to which you refer in your letter, and foster your own spiritual development. (Written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice, to this author, 9 September 1992)
The first time my heart was broken was when I was first sexually abused by my father, and hearing my mother say in response: “I wish she’d never been born.” With this criticism, I believed it was my fault. Neither the abuse, nor her hurtful comment had anything to do with me, though I believed it did.
For over 50 years, I told myself things like “you’re unlovable”; “you deserve to be used for sex”; “life will always be like this” etc. As a small child, these statements made sense as I was trying to make sense of the world the only way I knew how. As an adult, though, the House of Justice taught me that I had to learn to separate their actions from the meaning I gave to them. I came to realize that these beliefs (and more) were just lies coming from my lower nature, and I would be just as responsible to God for the “abuse” I was heaping on myself; as my parents would be for the abuse they heaped on me! The scale of the sin might be different, but we were all acting from our lower natures.
Once I realized that my parent’s abusive actions arose from their lower natures, which hooked into my lower nature (when I believed the abuse had anything to do with me), I was able to get free of both my anger and my self-pity.
Learning that when I can attain this level of insight, I free myself from criticism and anger; and foster my spiritual development, I am grateful!
What jumped out for you as you read today’s meditation? I’d love it if you would share so we can all expand our knowledge of the Writings!
If you liked this meditation, you might also like my book Letting Go of Criticizing Others
Dearest Susan, thank you so much for Sharing your thoughtfulness and deep understanding of the Writings . I found the sentence they are captive of their own lower self enlightening and liberating . I also find the sentence they hook to my lower self clarifies how one could suffer,because then one lives in darkness and the absence of spiritual life . To be conscious about this, helps to take a step towards our spiritual growth .
It sure does, Nooshafarin, and I am grateful!
Thank you so much for sharing the letter from The Universal House of Justice and your own personal story to help us understand the consequences of being captive to our lower nature and how liberating it is to be away from it. In my own efforts of trying to remove myself away from my lower nature( i know it is there), i find it helpful to acknowledge to myself that my hurt wether it comes from my abusive parants or any other significant person in my life is valid. I also acknowlede that i didn’t know the difference between healthy and unhealty relationship as good before. Last but not, i also acknowledge that we don’t live in a perfect world and that we are still growing and developing. So, Based on all this and more, i then try to make adjustmens (this may include my expectations of myself and others) within myself to choose where i want to go from now on, what are my values, what are my boundries in this life to make healthy connections with myself and with others around me.
Thank you
What great insights, Ayshe! Thanks for adding to the discussion. I too love that every day I get to start over and all I have to do is make today better than yesterday. This helps me let go of my need to do everything perfectly.
Dear Susan,
The good you have done by touching hearts as an indirect result of the bad done to your heart has to be huge. Does that mean that such evils are pre-ordained tools for good?
I am never comfortable with that idea, though open to other opinions about it. It seems more likely to me that the honorable volition driving your long-term response, and the enabling grace of God, were the main thing!
Maybe both things (and more) are true, Steve. Let’s have this conversation on the other side! 🙂
Thank you for this post
We have two choices to be happy or miserable and the Universal House of Justice encouraged you and everyone to take the path to detachment from insisting self and approaching God, the All Knowing the All Wise
Well said, Tahereh! I’m so glad I understand that happiness is a choice and I can make it every day. Thanks for the timely reminder. Here’s a story I like about the importance ‘Abdu’l-Baha put on happiness: