As a devoted believer you are urged to strive to develop forgiveness in your heart toward your parents who have abused you in so disgraceful a manner, and to attain a level of insight which sees them as captives of their lower nature, whose actions can only lead them deeper into unhappiness and separation from God. By this means, you can liberate yourself from the anger to which you refer in your letter, and foster your own spiritual development. (Written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice, to this author, 9 September 1992)
The first time my heart was broken was when I was first sexually abused by my father, and hearing my mother say in response: “I wish she’d never been born.” With this criticism, I believed it was my fault. Neither the abuse, nor her hurtful comment had anything to do with me, though I believed it did.
For over 50 years, I told myself things like “you’re unlovable”; “you deserve to be used for sex”; “life will always be like this” etc. As a small child, these statements made sense as I was trying to make sense of the world the only way I knew how. As an adult, though, the House of Justice taught me that I had to learn to separate their actions from the meaning I gave to them. I came to realize that these beliefs (and more) were just lies coming from my lower nature, and I would be just as responsible to God for the “abuse” I was heaping on myself; as my parents would be for the abuse they heaped on me! The scale of the sin might be different, but we were all acting from our lower natures.
Once I realized that my parent’s abusive actions arose from their lower natures, which hooked into my lower nature (when I believed the abuse had anything to do with me), I was able to get free of both my anger and my self-pity.
Learning that when I can attain this level of insight, I free myself from criticism and anger; and foster my spiritual development, I am grateful!
What jumped out for you as you read today’s meditation? I’d love it if you would share so we can all expand our knowledge of the Writings!
If you liked this meditation, you might also like my book Letting Go of Criticizing Others